Tags

, , ,

DSC_5379

I was 19 when I got my first wedding ring. I was in Israel.

No. I wasn’t planning to elope.

I was ending my year with YWAM and was finally sure I wanted to ‘marry’ Jesus for good.
I know, I know, a missionary who didn’t even know if she wanted to be a Christian? Yeah that was me.
Well, sort of. See it wasn’t a matter of not WANTING to be a Christian. It was a matter of needing to know that this was my choice, not just a result of how I was raised. So I gave myself permission with re-evaluate my faith. To read about other faiths. To make sure this was for real.

So I read, thought, and questioned. And prayed. A lot. In fact, I couldn’t not pray. That was my biggest clue that I loved Jesus for real. I found nothing in other religions and worldviews that spoke to me like Jesus did. I’m sure I could have read and studied more. But in the end, it wasn’t about what I learned or didn’t learn… and it sure wasn’t about finally feeling psychologically or intellectually certain.
You see, I really never feel certain about anything.

In the end it was most about my heart being drawn to Jesus… And His good news about love and redemption… And His upside down Kingdom.

So I went to Israel. I got a silver and gold ring- a physical symbol of my commitment to Jesus. It has Hebrew writing on it that says ‘His love endures forever’. Every time since then when I’ve struggled with doubt, I look at my ring and remind myself that my faith is ultimately about the choice to pledge my life to Jesus, not about feeling absolute certainty or having all my questions answered. This is indeed very comforting and stabilizing to a gal who so rarely feels certain about anything… and has questions to numerous to count.

Advertisements